When new people come to our church, they often say what a sense of community they found here the first time they visited. Informal surveys among other children’s workers, and clergy, tell me the same is true in most churches.
Christian fellowship – that sense of knowing and caring about the people in the pew beside you, whether they’re someone who’s like you or very different, is one of the benefits of organised religion. It gives us fellow pilgrims along the journey, people to share our stories with, and, in a crisis, it’s often the people from church who visit us in hospital, bring us lasagnes when there’s a bereavement, provide emergency babysitting, pass along hand-me-downs to our kids and do a multitude of other small gestures of love and kindness. Community and fellowship are part of why we come to church – we don’t just worship, we worship together.
And one of the crucial ways in which we form these connections is during the after-church time, when we stand around with a cup of tea and a biscuit, and get to know each other. This time is crucial for kids as well – this is when children develop the friendships that will help them feel at home in church and will provide them with friends who share their beliefs. At school, I was one of the few kids who went to church. Being a Christian was ‘weird’, but at church, of course, it was normal! How can your after-church time be friendly for kids?
To start with – and most churches already do this, whether they have children present or not – is to provide child-friendly refreshments. Juice and biscuits should be available, as well as tea or coffee (or sherry – I won’t judge!).
Secondly, if possible, there should be a space available for kids to play in that isn’t the same as the adults’ socialising space. This doesn’t mean sending kids off to a separate space and not allowing them in the same room as the adults – but generally, left to their own devices, children will go off and play, then come back and check in with the adults, get another biscuit, and go off and play again. This free play time cements friendships and encourages children to feel at home in church. Ideally, they should be able to run around, play complicated pretend games and make some noise, without that noise getting in the way of the adults’ chatting and without adult supervision getting too much in the way of their games.
If this play space is the church building itself, some ground rules may be needed to maintain respect for the building, but kids who play hide and seek among the pews aren’t being irreverent – they’re at home in church and getting to know, and feel comfortable in, the church building. This is good news!
Remind the most extroverted kids in your group to welcome any new children and include them in games. If you have Sunday School, this gives you a chance to start integrating the new children into the group in a structured way, but use the most outgoing children to make sure this integration continues after church.
Take charge of getting to know the parents of new families, and introducing them to other parishioners. If the parents don’t feel welcome, they’ll dash off immediately after church and the children won’t have a chance to get to know each other.
If you have only a few children, especially if they’re of different ages, and your group is struggling to gel and form friendship, you can have occasional adult or teenager help with getting to know each other and organizing games. Treasure hunts or scavenger hunts are good, since they encourage children to work as a team, creating bonding, and it can be a useful way of getting to know the building and grounds. Once friendships start to be established, you can take a step back.
Building community is a crucial part of welcoming people to church. And for children, that often happens at least partly through free play before and after church. By making sure children have this opportunity to get to know each other, and that new children are welcomed into the group, you can help to foster Christian fellowship among the youngest of God’s children.
Margaret Pritchard Houston is Families Worker at St George’s Campden Hill.
Image: Chai Latte & Whim of the Barista by Faruk Ateş, used under Creative Commons licence.