If you are the spouse or partner of a member of clergy and you are going through a divorce or partnership dissolution, there is someone provided by the bishop – a Bishop’s Visitor – to support you.

If you are already in contact with the Bishop regarding your situation, they will probably have offered to introduce you to the Bishop’s Visitor. But if you would like to be put in touch with a Visitor on a confidential basis, please use the following email address to request this support: bishops.visitors@london.anglican.org

Relationship breakdown

Every person’s experience of divorce or the dissolution of a civil partnership is different. Those whose spouses leave unexpectedly deal with shock of separation and divorce; those who initiated the separation may experience a range of emotions such as relief, doubt, guilt and profound sadness. In almost all circumstances, divorce/dissolution is traumatic, and the process drawn out and draining. Getting used to and living with divorce/dissolution can last long after the ink has dried on the legal documents.

For clergy spouses/partners, there is another layer to all of this, which is that the breakdown of their relationship may feel to be a very public experience.

This page is intended to guide you through the sources of support available to them. A corresponding page for clergy can be found here.

Pastoral and practical support

It can be difficult, at a time of such emotional upheaval, to decide what needs to be done and to prioritise those things. People can feel very alone in this, but you do not need to be.

The Bishop’s Visitor cannot make decisions for you, but they are able to act as a sounding-board, to listen and help you to order your thoughts. Their role is not to give advice, but they can be alongside you at this challenging and distressing time and help you identify your needs – eg spiritual, pastoral, practical and therapeutic. They can also signpost you to various sources of support, including grants and benefits.

Support is available from a number of sources when a marriage/civil partnership breaks down. The diocesan website has a page signposting potential sources of grants for clergy families. Bishops and Archdeacons have Discretionary Funds. Support from Health Assured is available to clergy and their families and includes access to therapeutic and other support.

Therapy/counselling can be extremely helpful during this period of your life. Financial assistance towards this may be available from one of the sources listed on the website or from the Bishop’s Discretionary Fund.

At the appropriate time the Visitor will plan, with you, a strategy to reduce their active support, including signposting where further support is available for medium and longer term needs.

Legal processes

There are three separate processes to undertake in relation to divorce/dissolution: the divorce itself, the financial settlement and any arrangements relating to children. Where couples are able to negotiate these amicably, these matters can be resolved together, with the option of mediation. A helpful guide to the law relating to divorce/dissolution can be found here: gov.uk/divorce/file-for-divorce

Accommodation

The fact of living in tied accommodation adds to the legal complexities of a divorce.

At some point during the process towards a divorce/dissolution, there will need to be a conversation to agree by what date you will move out, and the bishop should be informed of that date. Your entitlement to occupy the property ends once the divorce has been made absolute.

In some instances the diocese is able to assist a spouse/partner in finding new accommodation, but this will very much depend on your circumstances and the resources available in the diocese at the time.

Please do not hesitate to be in touch to request the support of a Bishop’s Visitor, by contacting the bishop or using the email address bishops.visitors@london.anglican.org