Levi Phillips from the Children, Young People and Families team shares about the Grandparents Learning Circle – a reflective group started by members of St Mark’s Teddington.
Let me paint you a picture: it’s sometime after 9:30pm and I’m sitting at a table, listening intently to a discussion between eight people who are all more than double my age. We’ve just enjoyed a light meal before launching into a discussion, as each person shares two minutes (timed!) about family life and how they are responding to it. The stories provide fascinating insights into everyday life in different families, including dilemmas with money borrowing, going on holiday, teenage romance, additional needs, conversations about faith, and questioning one’s influence on the family. Through further group conversation, authenticity and listening are identified as critical elements in the relationship between a grandparent and grandchild. At the end of the evening, the group agrees to reflect on what “fruits” they already offer within their families and discuss their reflections at the next meeting.
These are just a few highlights from the evening I visited the Grandparents Learning Circle – a group that has been meeting for over ten years since its inception by members of St Mark’s Teddington in the Diocese of London.
The power of sharing
The Grandparents Learning Circle (GLC) has a simple goal at its heart: to enable grandparents to share with and learn from each other. By sharing their struggles and joys with others, having a safe space to voice their concerns, and receiving input from those outside their family, members of the group have discovered new perspectives and opportunities in their role as grandparents. Nearly half of the members are widowed or single, so the group supports those in this role on their own as well as couples.
“We are actively thinking about what it means to be a grandparent, sharing our experiences and learning from one another how to be the best grandparents we can be, and putting what we have learned into practice within our families.”
New confidence and purpose
By the end of my visit, it was clear what this group is doing: giving grandparents more confidence and a renewed sense of purpose to engage proactively with their families. The more time you spend listening to a grandparent about their role in the family, the more you realise how transformative this is. Here are two quotes from members:
“Being a member of the Grandparents Learning Circle has been an opportunity for me to reflect on my relationships with children, in-laws, and grandchildren. I have learned from the reflections of others and have enjoyed being part of a social peer learning group experience.”
“With my family I have become more aware of the enormous potential for the freely available love between all those involved, which is present whatever mood any of us may be in at the time. I can tap into that reservoir of hope and joy wherever I am and wherever they are: we don’t have to be in the same room or even in the same country. It begins early and, so long as we’re alive, it goes on growing.”
How the group works
The format is simple: members meet, spend a little time socialising before enjoying a light meal together, then enter into a pre-agreed discussion in a circle. Sometimes this is around a table, other sessions may be in a lounge or church hall if needed.
It is important to note that this is not exclusively a group of Christians; it was founded by members of the church, but the group has grown mostly through friendships and word of mouth to include many different people from the surrounding community. There’s no faith requirement, and there isn’t a spiritual element to it, although members will sometimes share themes that have come up in the church community or their personal faith journey if relevant.
After the group ends, a person taking notes will expand on them and circulate a reflection to the group, so that everyone has a copy of what the group is learning and a follow-up task for reflection before the next meeting. This simple process allows members to ‘embed’ what they have learned as they reflect.
Here’s a brilliant nugget from one of the recent sessions (shared with permission):
“We mustn’t be afraid to be honest with our children and grandchildren. They may expect us to know everything, but if we don’t, and we admit that we don’t, they will respect us more. We will then be in a position to explore things with them. Learning together with grandchildren is a wonderful experience. If they ask us something and we don’t have the answer, we can explore it with them, so we find the answer together.”
The nature of the group has undergone as much refinement as its members. Its founders, John and Jane Bazalgette, have spent ten years figuring out how to balance the sensitivities and strengths of the circle.
Photo: Founders of the Grandparents Learning Circle, John and Jane Bazalgette
Some members of the circle have become church members over the years, others have passed away, but the essence of the circle has remained fairly consistent, revolving around dialogue between grandparents.
The Grandparents Learning Circle has given me someone to talk to, which makes me feel less isolated. We can help each other by talking things out. We might not agree, but we do listen to each other.
Current member
Tom Simpson, the Minister-In-Charge at St Mark’s Teddington, has been following the group’s progress for a while:
Grandparents have often amassed wisdom about what does and does not constitute a life well lived. The GLC unearths that wisdom which has often been trapped by a culture that is rife with ageism. The GLC equips and enables grandparents to communicate their wisdom from one generation to the next and positively influence family units and therefore society.
This unique initiative has provided a platform for grandparents to come together, share their experiences, and support one another in their familial roles. The Grandparents Learning Circle (GLC) is not just a meeting; it’s a community of wisdom and encouragement, where each member’s voice is valued and their stories are instrumental in shaping the group’s collective understanding.
All quotes from members in this piece have been anonymised due to the sensitivity of discussing their family situations in the meetings.
Start a Grandparents Learning Circle in your community
If your church community would be interested in starting a Grandparents Learning Circle, or a resource on how to start and run one would be useful, get in touch with the diocesan support team at cypf@london.anglican.org