When last we spoke I talked about the need to keep developing and improving to make sure that we never settle for ‘OK’ in our ministries. I mentioned that it’s always tempting to settle for ‘OK’ as nobody will probably notice, other than ourselves. Then, at the end of that blog, I dropped a mild bombshell when I mentioned that the move from good to great may be beyond even the most amazing children’s workers because it’s simply beyond their control.
The more I see and the more I think about it, the more I realise that what we do in our children’s groups is of secondary importance to the child’s faith when compared to the two much larger influences of family and church. It is beyond the scope of this blog to cover family on this occasion, my focus in these features is what is provided by the church.
A great welcome for children can only be provided by the whole church and not by a specialist, no matter how gifted they might be. We know that up until the age of 11, the main driver of a child’s faith is how they feel in their family and at church, and not what we teach them. If they feel loved and valued at church then they will believe that God loves and values them. Conversely, if they are sidelined and talked down to then they will infer that God isn’t really interested in them until they grow up a bit.
In the light of this you can understand the temptation to run longer and longer children’s groups; so as to retain control of what the child experiences at church. However these groups would be a poor substitute for the ultimate place for a child’s faith to grow: in the heart of an all-age community of which they are fully part.
This is why advocacy plays a large part of the role of those of us who work with children and young people in the Diocese. We need to be the ones saying this and fighting for the children’s right to be fully included in all our church is doing. Never ask, ‘What will the children do while this is happening?’ For this path leads to the dark side, it is the path that leads to distracting children with colouring in while the rest of the church does the God stuff. The right question is always: ‘How will we do this together?’
Forgetting about children for moment, this is actually a much better question in general. If the whole congregation were over the age of 18, you would still need to ask questions about accessibility and inclusion in terms of disability, but also learning styles and spiritual styles. In fact I would suggest that if you’ve covered the differing needs of the adults in your congregation you’ll be well on your way to including all children too. Adults are no less varied in their learning and spiritual styles, they’re just better at conforming when they the service isn’t working for them.
It’s this process of doing as much stuff together as possible that will create a place where children are welcomed at the heart of the congregation and where their faith is nurtured in the most effective way possible; not just worship, all church life. This is why I would say that ‘greatness’ is beyond the scope of children’s workers –it needs the whole church to do something very simple but very profound. It needs to realise that children are not a bolt-on extra, but fully part of everything the church is about.
Sam Donoghue is Head of Children’s and Youth Support for the Diocese of London and a fan of the Gruffalo.