Relational youth ministry has gone wrong.
I often experience youth workers facing anxiety. Lots of it can stem from our role. This could be the misunderstandings of others – vicars, employers, PCCs etc. – or our own misunderstandings. I want to particularly focus on our own expectations. After all, it’s much easier to change ourselves, and our behaviours, than someone else’s! (We can look at ‘managing up’ in another blog, another time.)
In supervision of youth workers, I often hear the phrase ‘my young people…’: ‘my young people are the best’, ‘my young people struggle with this’. The list goes on. Perhaps you haven’t spotted anything wrong in those statements! But who are my young people? Now, I understand why youth workers say this, we want to talk about the young people we work with. We want to convey that we don’t just work with ‘these’ young people but that we have a different, special relationship with a few, like my family. But really, are they ours?
The thing is, we start to believe what we are saying if we say it often enough (otherwise known as persuasion theory). We can convince ourselves, because we say it often enough, that the young people we accompany really are ‘our young people’, that in some sense they belong to us.
When we do that we assume way, way too much responsibility.
At this point some of you may be thinking: ‘Well that does not apply to me, I don’t take too much responsibility for “my young people”.’ Well maybe. But thinking about what we say and what that conveys to others might be important. What does that convey to the young people? What does that convey to parents or managers? What does that convey to the general public? That you own a group of young people that you have a special relationship with? Just maybe we need to think about the language we use when we talk about the connections we have with young people. What about ‘accompanying’? Perhaps you have your own suggestions – let us know!
Essentially, are you taking too much responsibly for your young people? At times they may feel like they are ‘yours’, but they aren’t. Are you worried about them and their behaviour, worried about what might happen? Thinking about things that are out of your control? Or concerned about and in every conversation with young people to make sure you know what is happening all the time ‘just in case they need you’. Maybe you are thinking too much about their salvation? If this is you then, finding ways to step back is really important, to reflect on what is happening in the moment. This assumption of too much responsibility can then manifest itself as anxiety and stress, and you might need to seek some further help. If this is you, I would happily talk to you, it is common among youth workers and I have some ideas and things that might help!
My concluding thoughts are:
- Think about how you talk about your work.
- Don’t take too much responsibility – but take enough.
- Get some support if you need some!
James Fawcett works with CONCRETE youth work and helps the Diocese of London with its youth provision.