Recently, the Guardian asked its readers to send in their old school photos in the light of a company offering to retouch these pictures to get rid of acne, bad hair and other signs of awkward adolescence. ‘Would this be something you would like to do to your photos?’ wondered the Guardian. The resulting article was enlightening – contributors wouldn’t Photoshop their photos, but instead embraced the awkward and reflected on what they might say to their younger selves.
When I look back at my school photos, I see an overweight, slightly awkward teenager with very little sense of style. Indeed, I was very self-conscious about my size and body shape – while I wasn’t bullied at school, a build-up of comments about weight and being fat led me to be hide my body under baggy clothes. It also made PE at school quite traumatic – I grew to dislike basketball because one team would have to play with no T-shirts on, to distinguish who was playing with whom.
Looking back at the photos brings back a little bit of that anxiety, but I also remember the good things – the loving home, the friends, the fun and the fact that, PE notwithstanding, I enjoyed school. What would I tell myself? I’d say that you can lose that weight and get fit if you try to do it gradually. I’d say that you can enjoy sport if you find something you like to play (rather than being made to play football in the freezing rain). I’d say that spots don’t last for ever.
What were your teenage years like? When you look back at you school photos, what do you remember? What would you say to your younger self? Even though a young person’s life in today’s society might be very different from the life you experienced (depending on how old you are), many of the issues young people struggle with are the same as they were for us. It’s likely that you went through some of the same things that the young people in your group are experiencing now. It’s likely that you have wisdom to speak into their lives.
And while it can be very unhelpful if you’re a young person and an adult glibly states that they know how you feel, it can be so reassuring to be hear the words, ‘Me too,’ when in the context of an ongoing relationship. What has God done in your life that you could pass on young people you work with? And how can you do that in a sensitive and helpful way?
We earn the right to share our experiences if we have a caring, respectful relationship with young people. This takes time and requires us to be authentic (not pretending we’re with ‘down with the kids’ – I realise by merely using the phrase ‘down with the kids’ I have illustrated the very fact that I’m not) and present (making the young person your focus), but also appropriate (not over-sharing or thinking you’re their best mate). In this context, what we would say to our younger selves may be exactly what some young people need to hear too.
Alex Taylor is part of the Diocese of London’s children’s and youth team. When he was 13, he liked chocolate digestives, Going Live! and playing on the Spectrum 128K +2.