Last Sunday I went to Evensong at one of our great cathedrals. A mother was sitting on the front row with a buggy and a lively two-year-old daughter. She had come prepared with a plastic bag filled with playdough tubs, crayons, colouring books, drink and snacks. The little girl chattered away happily while her mother gave half her attention to the service, and no one showed signs of disapproval.
Come the Magnificat however, they withdrew to a transept along with the playdough. Come the sermon, the mother walked her daughter outside to sit in the sunshine on the grass. Why had this mother come, I wondered? She had come well prepared only to end up outside on the grass for much of the service. Was this a pre baptism-request visit? Was she facing a personal crisis? Was she searching for God? Was she simply longing for stillness amidst the challenges of motherhood?
This set me thinking about how we spiritually support parents (usually mothers) who come to worship with small children in tow. A genuinely warm welcome is a good starting point. We rarely know what hassles there have been in the hour before coming to worship. I admire mothers who get their small children ready for church, but many end up taking them home halfway through the service. Was it worth the effort? Many mothers (and fathers) may love talking about their child but they are often relieved to engage in conversation with someone who sees them as more than just a parent. A warm welcome includes that level of respect.
Few things are more devastating for a parent with a small child than the disapproving ‘tut-tut’ of the unsympathetic worshipper. Those leading worship have a responsibility for people of all ages, who will vary in their fascination with children. Too many distractions are a barrier to worship for anyone. It’s all about give-and-take, caring for one another and getting the balance right. There are no easy answers – we all cried as babies at one time in our lives!
Transporting small children usually means transporting a lot of equipment! A church that makes an effort to welcome parents and toddlers will try to create some sort of buggy-park along with a comfortable seating area, which has quiet but interesting toys and is near a changing area. Such a place also needs to be part of the worship area and not out of sight or hearing range of what is going on. Towards the back of church we have space for buggies and a comfortable square of sofas for babies, toddlers and adults who are active participants in the service. Interestingly, friendships have grown up among them as they share their Sunday morning time of worship.
Some churches of course successfully provide a crèche but lots of parents don’t want to leave their child with someone else, especially if the baby has been in childcare all week. If a parent comes irregularly to church, they may simply not want to take a turn on a crèche rota. Some churches do provide a Bible story, activities and even a relayed sermon in the crèche room, but that often doesn’t prove very satisfactory.
A service on a Sunday is not the only time for worship or deepening our faith. Many churches offer times during the week when parents meet one another for mutual support and more serious conversation about the Christian faith – here it’s OK for children to play, make a noise and interrupt. Some churches offer this as part of their toddler group, others run a Bible activity club for under-3s when parents and carers learn with their children about a Bible story and can chat together.
If there is one thing I have discovered as a children’s and families’ worker, it is that the faith of children grows far more quickly than that of adults. Small children who experience a welcome by God’s people will inevitably be experiencing the love of God himself through them. If a parent experiences a welcome in church, they are more likely to continue to come. Not only may their child come to love Christ, but they may too! To this end, I hope the mother comes once more to worship in the cathedral.
Anna Giles is a children’s worker in North London