Building confidence in young people and prioritising your own wellbeing

ABIY: Can you share the story of how you first felt led to become a youth worker – what actually made you want to become a youth worker?

LISA: So, mine’s a bit of an unusual story – I was working for Saint Mary’s [Bryanston Square] for 10 years, and then I had my first child and was on maternity leave. When I returned to work, I was going to go from full time to part time, so I knew my role would have to change. When I came in for my meetings (return to work meeting), I remember praying about it and feeling just a sense that God might be saying “be really open to what might be offered” – so I kind of went into that meeting being really, really open. Unexpectedly, I was asked if I would cover the youth work for my colleague who had just gone on maternity leave for the period of her leave, then we’ll see what happens then.

I think my reason probably came the other way around.  It was like, the role was open, and I thought, “Yeah, I could give that a go… I’ll give it a go.” I didn’t necessarily feel super qualified or anything, but after getting it, I realised I love this, and this is actually the thing that I have always wanted to do, but I think I realised that after doing the job, if that makes sense? I did it for a year, and then remember being like, yeah, “I really, really enjoy this job, I get a lot of satisfaction out of it.” Then that year I went away on camp with, about eight boys, and they’re year 7 to 9, and on that account, I remember just thinking, “This is what I’m meant to do. This is where I find my purpose.” So, yeah, it was a bit more of a journey, and I don’t know how these things happen otherwise, but I fell into it and feel the longer I’ve done it, the more confirmed it’s been.

ABIY: Becoming a youth worker that way must’ve brought an interesting perspective to the role – what impact, then, do you think your work has had on the young people that you work with?

LISA: One thing I would say – because I think I can say it more objectively because it’s demonstrable – is the fact that we have a great kids work, and we always have. So, I benefit from that as a youth worker because I will get some of the kids from kid’s church into youth. Especially because we’ve been able to retain our young people, as that isn’t always typical.

Genuinely, I feel like you’d have to ask them if [my work has] any impact, but I guess obviously we do see – cheesy word – the fruits of stuff, right? I don’t know what the word for the non-cheesy version of that phrase is. I think there is a lot to be said for just being a consistent trusted adult in their lives – someone who isn’t a family member, who also champions, and encourages them. Many young people come from a wonderful family, or have, like a wider village that raise them. Then there is something to be said about being a trusted adult that isn’t raising them, because I think, then, when they recognise that they can trust you, and they’re able to talk to you, perhaps more freely, because they kind of end up realising you’re not an adult that’s coming home with them.

It’s been one of those things, slowly realising that they can trust me, and I like the advocacy bit. I think speaking the good in them out loud to other people when they’re young people, as in, if they don’t who they are, they don’t know what they’re good at – you know, all the changes that happen in adolescence. They can sometimes lose sight of the good that’s already there, like the stuff that they’re already brilliant at, because it’s just them; and so being able to call that out and affirm them when I can – it’s just fun. I really enjoy it.

I did get to do this recently, on a Sunday evening I was talking to the older youth and there was a majority group of guys, young guys like 16, 17, 18 year olds, and they were talking about the ‘manosphere’ and the ‘man box’ and the constraints on masculinity that they might be socialised to be in, and the impact that has on our/their relationships.

This is quite a heavy, deep chat, and at the end we talked about Adolescence –that show that everyone’s talking about. As a mum of two young girls, and as a youth worker I was left sobbing at the end of that show, genuinely lamenting the things and situations that young people are facing, and the world that they’re growing up in right now. Then I remember just thinking of all the amazing young people that I actually know, and specifically the young men I know, and the absolute gold that they are. I was able to say that to them. That I am so grateful to know each of you, and like, I really do love you. I hugely admire you, you’re gold, I trust you. And being able to say all that stuff, that perhaps, people don’t tell them often or that they aren’t hearing often, we saw them kind of feel a bit lighter, and we got to pray for [the boys], the girls and me all prayed for the guys, just to affirm and bless them. It was such a privilege because I was just thinking, how often does this happen? What other spaces would we do that? When there’s a lot of chatter that’s going the other way that young men or boys are a problem.

Also, I think if I’m being honest, it’s been a bit of a slow burn for the last couple of years, but it feels like we’re really seeing a lot of confidence building in young people stepping out and giving [prayer] a go and realising that praying out loud for someone can be simple. It can be short prayers, it doesn’t have to be some sort of elaborate special thing, that God can use their prayers or use them – I’ve loved that recently. Then of course, when I see them looking more confident and comfortable, it gives me the confidence to kind of step up and go again in being more consistent.

ABIY: You’ve mentioned about things being a slow burn in this line of work, a little. We see people in church roles experiencing burnout sometimes – what advice would you give to someone that may be struggling or feeling burnt out?

LISA: As a youth worker, sometimes you critique yourself on what you could have done better, especially thinking in line with all the stuff that’s going on in the world, and stories recently of, you know, failures in leadership and things like that. Again, this sounds cliché, but where are they getting their rest from? Because if you are burnt out, you need rest. So, what does it look like to have a conversation with whoever manages you to say, “This is where I’m at, I’m really struggling. Help me, what can I do?” It might be they just need a little bit of rest or someone to come alongside them.

I definitely felt burnt-out last year, and it felt to me like God brought someone alongside to help me. I had someone come and join the staff team, and they were able to come work alongside me – and that actually happened before I recognised that I was burnt out, they were already in position for three months and it just it meant I could keep going.  Otherwise, I don’t know, it would have been awful. But it meant that I could just do the minimum that I needed to do to keep things ticking over. That I could let myself breathe a little and allow myself to have those conversations, receive that prayer or whatever, knowing that those things were important.

I think there is that thing of, where’s your rest? Where are you connecting with God? I think that’s tough when there’s a bunch of stuff to do, even though you’re like, “I want to pray about this person” or about a situation. If you’ve got a bunch of stuff to do and you open your e-mail first thing, best of luck to you getting to praying! I think most youth workers are the only youth worker in their contexts, so try to first think about: where are you connecting with God? Where are you receiving? Who is your support network? Who are you gathering around you? Who can pray for you, whether it’s personal or professional stuff?

Basically: rest, talk to people, let them know where you’re struggling, look into where you are connecting with God, and think about who’s praying for you, and who do you want to pray for you?

ABIY: That’s great thoughtful and practical advice. Finally, tell me what your hopes are for the future, in terms of how the Church engages with youth?

LISA: There’s obviously been a lot of conversation, and a slight panic, about the fact that there aren’t as many children and young people in the church and “what are we going to do?!” There is an element of, if you want there to be young people in the church, you need to make space for them and that comes from resourcing it, so physical space, having a budget for it – you need to make it a priority.

Not that they’re siloed to that space, but how can the young people be involved in different ways? That could be thinking of them when it comes to big events at church where you need people to help serve the tea and coffee, or the food, and well, could you ask some of the members of the youth group (obviously they need to be overseen, and it needs to be appropriate and all that sort of stuff), but, just so they can muck in a bit more. Or in a service, not just thinking of the adults, you might ask the young people to do the readings. I think it’s because that shows that we trust them, it shows that we care about them, that we think about them and that we believe they can do it as well as we can, which they definitely can.