There’s something that occupies my mind quite a lot when I think about children’s ministry: how to we define what a church that is welcoming to children look like? I’m sure we could all write a list of the kind of facilities and groups that would help. Increasingly however, I wonder if that stuff doesn’t matter as much as we like to think it does and there’s something more profound that we miss when we worry about having enough plastic cup to put the juice in.
I’ve just returned from a few days in Spain visiting my Grandfather with my family and the way that children are valued in that culture seems to be the opposite of the way we do things in the UK and perhaps there was something for us to learn from our churches.
Taking children out for a meal in Spain is a very different experience to the UK; there are no high chairs, no children’s menus, no colouring in at the table, if you ask for an orange juice it will come in a wine glass and you certainly would never see a ball pond or a play area. In fact just about everything that would mark a UK restaurant as family friendly was missing, but the restaurants were the most welcoming places I’ve ever taken my kids.
The thing is, what made the welcome my children received so brilliant wasn’t the fixtures and fittings – it was the staff and the other customers. People on other tables would talk to them, pull a face or smile and wave, the waiters took them on a tour of the kitchen, constantly fussed over them and made an effort to ensure they were happy. When my son, who is three wandered into the bar he came back with a glass of orange juice! It wasn’t about facilities it was about values and in that restaurant my children felt like VIPs and not like inconveniences to be tolerated and distracted. Everywhere we went was the same – children were warmly welcomed by adults who made it plain they loved them being there.
This sadly reminds me of how our churches look sometimes. British churches can often do all the things that British restaurants do. We lay on all manner of stuff that is ultimately there to distract the children enough that they don’t hinder the adults’ enjoyment of the service too much. This can never be a substitute for a church that loves having the children there and expresses that love by going out of its way to include them.
I’ve visited many churches where the limitations of ancient buildings or budgetary constraints mean that the church will never be able to make the dramatic alterations they feel would provide the welcome that the children in their church deserve. My little trip to Spain reminded me that the biggest change needed to welcome children is in our hearts not in our buildings.