Ministry following a restricted funeral

The constraints under which a restricted funeral is held create significant challenges, when one recalls the various purposes normally fulfilled by a funeral.  Some of these purposes are specific to a Christian funeral; others are universal.

1. A body needs to be disposed of. This simple biological or physical act has been formalized and ritualized in every human culture, from the time of the Neanderthals.
2. A social life needs to be brought to an end. Even when a person is biologically dead, they are not “socially dead” until rites have taken place to remove them from the (socially defined) category of the living to the category of the no-longer-living. In this sense, a person’s funeral is their last social engagement. The party or wake that follows the rite is an integral part of the social process, and the gathering of family and friends is, equally, fundamental to it.
3. A funeral is an important point in the journey of the bereaved through the landscape of grief. The social closure in (2) helps them to move forward in the grieving process. The gathering of family and friends mobilises emotional resources to support them in the process.
4. A funeral is an opportunity to celebrate and give thanks for a life (this also sometimes happens at a subsequent Memorial or Thanksgiving Service, where the element of thanksgiving becomes more prominent).
5. In a Christian context, the deceased person is entrusted to the love and mercy of God.
6. In a Christian context, the funeral is an opportunity to reflect on the Gospel, in the light of the life that has ended.
7. Any funeral is a memento mori: it confronts those taking part with the fact of their own mortality.

Restricted funerals can accomplish (1), (5) and (7) perfectly well; may be able to accomplish some of (4) and (6); can only accomplish (3) to a limited extent; and can hardly accomplish (2) at all. This sets a challenge for ministers. It requires some planning of a continuing memorial process, after the funeral has taken place. It is important to remember that this need is the same, whatever the cause of death. Many funerals during the lockdown will be of victims of Covid-19; many will be of those for whom Covid-19 was a contributory cause among other causes; many will be of those whose death had nothing to do with the virus. It is the fact of their having had restricted funerals that is relevant.

As well as being (we hope) helpful to those ministering to the bereaved after a funeral restricted by the Covid-19 pandemic, some of the resources on this site may also be useful when the deceased have themselves chosen a ‘direct cremation’, and the bereaved feel deprived of the chance of a full leave-taking, or when a ‘DIY funeral’, or a funeral conducted by a secular celebrant, has taken place in such a way that some of the bereaved similarly feel that there has not been a “proper goodbye”.

It will be helpful to explore some of these possibilities with the bereaved at the same time as the funeral is being planned, so that the funeral is seen from the beginning as only the first part of a consciously designed process to mark the end of a life.  This process may be made up of multiple events, some more formal, and others less formal, even in the case of a single individual.

All these possibilities are set within three vectors:

1. Of timing. As part of the government’s and House of Bishops’ phased lifting of lockdown, from 15 June 2020, funerals can be carried out in church buildings. The size and circumstance of the church will determine the maximum number that can be accommodated whilst also facilitating physical distancing, but numbers should be minimised as far as possible. The latest guidance is available online here. It will be a considerable time before social distancing has been relaxed to the point where a large-scale traditional memorial service, or Service of Thanksgiving, could be held in church.  It is important that ministers are realistic about what can be offered at any given time, and keep themselves well informed about the changing restrictions under which we have to work.  There is always the possibility too that restrictions previously lifted have to be reimposed.  Within these uncertain limits, particularly appropriate times to have a service for an individual will be on their birthday, on the anniversary of their death, in connection with the burial of their ashes, or when a gravestone is raised on their grave.
2. Of the assessment of vulnerability of those taking part.
3. Of what liturgical activity is permitted by the public health rules in force at the time of the event. There may, for example, be a considerable interval between churches being partially reopened for public worship, and it being allowed to sing hymns in them.