Funerals was written by Revd Giles Legood, co-author of 'The Funeral Handbook'
Go to the Church of England Bookshop.
"Two things are inevitable in life" the saying goes, "death and taxes." Whilst many might try hard to minimise the later, none of us can avoid the former. Death is the one human experience which we can all anticipate with absolute certainly. It is amazing therefore that so many people are nervous about talking of death and will do all they can to avoid mentioning the dreaded "d" word. However, it is good and healthy to talk about death and dying in the same way that it is good and healthy to talk about some of the other things in life which unite all of humanity: love and relationships.
Given that death is universal, it is not surprising that there are many different explanations about what exactly happens at death. We all agree that biologically the heart stops beating and mental activity ceases, but beyond that there is considerable disagreement. Indeed historically and geographically, we find a vast array of different accounts of death. In India, for instance, reincarnation is the dominant view. This view believes that death is simply a bridge where the soul leaves one person to become reincarnated into another person’s body. For Christians and Muslims however, the traditional view has been that each unique soul will find itself either in heaven or hell.
Christians believe that it is wrong for a guarantee of life beyond the grave to become an excuse for not changing life here and now. For some Christians there is a sense that Christianity should be more focused on life here and now and less worried about life after death. Such Christians would point to the way in which the expression “eternal life” is used in John’s Gospel. There, eternal life is not seen as a state in heaven, but a quality of life that starts now. This Johannine view is that to be faithful to God in this life is to discover those supreme values that God represents and to live them as fully as possible.
However, for other Christians, the sense that this life is part of a bigger picture is important. The fact that this life is a significant part of a greater whole gives this earthly life its value. Love matters simply because it matters eternally. Ultimately people matter simply because they are created to partake in the life of God for eternity. Immortality matters because it becomes the context in which we determine what ultimately concerns us. For most Christians the main reason why they believe in some survival beyond the grave is the resurrection of Jesus. St. Paul claimed that ‘if Christ has not been raised, then our proclamation has been vain and your faith has been vain’ (1 Corinthians 15:14). The Jesus movement developed because those around him believed that he had conquered death.
As well as being a time for sorrow the funeral ought to be a celebration of the life lived and an occasion for great hope. The hope will be that all the problems that make up a human life are caught up in the drama of God’s redemption and transformed into building blocks for the occasion of love. The Christian hope is important. We need to constantly retain the sense that our life is a small part of a greater whole. It is only from this perspective that much that appears difficult and odd now will ultimately be seen to form a pattern that can be used by God for eternity.
We would not however want to encourage people to be too concerned with thinking about their death and the death of others (obsessiveness with any subject or idea is rarely a good thing). Nevertheless, we do believe that thinking through some of the issues and choices which have to be made around the time of death, both by those who are dying and those who care for them, is a good and useful thing to do. There are many big decisions which need to be made at this time and it is surely better that such decisions are made after considered reflection, thought and prayer than made quickly, with little time for consideration of the various issues, "on the hoof." It is hoped that the brief information below will be useful to those thinking through what, if anything, they would like to be done to remember them after their own death, as well those who need a helpful guide in making decisions after the death of someone else.
We do not claim that the information is to be seen as the final word on the subject of funerals but it should act as a guide for the sorts of arrangements which need to be made. The two people who will be able to give you help in the decisions which need to be made are the priest conducting the service and the funeral director. Do take every opportunity to talk through all your hopes and wishes for the funeral with them.
There are several aspects to consider:
These pages are not intended to advise you on these highly technical areas and we recommend that you should seek advice from either an independent financial advisor, a solicitor or an accountant, or all three.
Choosing a good undertaker is an important part of a successful funeral. Most UK undertakers belong to one of three trade associations: the Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors; the National Association of Funeral Directors; the Funeral Standards Council, all of whom have professional codes of practice. In the unlikely event of you needing to pursue a compliant against an undertaker further you can appeal to the Funeral Ombudsman, whose details are given in the useful links section at the end of these pages.
The list below gives some of the decisions which need to be made at the time of a funeral. Many can be made before death but others may need to be chosen after the time of death.
You will want to give considerable thought to the music which is played at the funeral (whether on an organ or other instrument or from a CD).
You may want to choose some music to be played before and after the service, as well as the hymns or other music (perhaps some sung anthem, if there is a choir).
There is scope in Christian funeral for one or more readings from the Bible to chosen to be read. You can talk with the priest who will lead the service for help with this. Additionally, it may be appropriate to have another piece of literature (poetry or prose) read to the service.
The type of prayers used at a funeral will help convey the sense in which the deceased person wished to be remembered. There is a big difference, for instance between a prayer said to remember a person killed tragically and a prayer for a person who knew death was coming soon and was prepared for it.
It is natural that after death many loved ones will want to have a physical expression of their love for the deceased person by erecting a memorial of some kind. This might be a headstone on the grave, an amount of money given to fund a good cause, a bench or other tangible item.
Association of Burial Authorities
155 Upper Street, Islington, London, N1 1RA. Tel: 020 7288 2522.
Britannia Shipping Company (sea burials)
Britannia House, Newton Poppleford, Sidmouth, Devon, EX10 0EF. Tel: 01395 568652.
British Organ Donors’ Society
Balsham, Cambridge, CB1 6DL. Tel: 01223 893636: e-mail: 
website: www.argonet.co.uk/body
Citizens’ Advice Bureaux
See telephone directory for local details.
Commonwealth War Graves Commission
2 Marlow Road, Maidenhead, Berkshire, SL6 7DX. Tel: 01628 771208; website: www.cwgc.org
Compassionate Friends
53 North Street, Bristol, BS3 1EN. Tel: 0117 966 5202; Helpline: 0117 953 9639.
Cremation Society
2nd floor, Brecon House, 16 Albion Place, Maidstone, Kent, ME14 5DZ. Tel: 01622 688292.
CRUSE Bereavement Care
Cruse House, 126 Sheen Road, Richmond, Surrey, TW9 1UR. Tel: 020 8940 4818; Helpline (Monday to Friday 9.30am – 5pm): 020 8332 7227.
Department of Social Security
See telephone directory for local details.
Family Records Centre
1 Myddleton Street, London, EC1R 1UW. Tel: 020 8392 5300; Certificate Enquiries: 020 – 7233 9233; website: www.open.gov.uk/pro
Federation of British Cremation Authorities
41 Salisbury Road, Carshalton, Surrey, SM5 3HA. Tel: 020 8669 4521.
Financial Advice
Various websites including: www.moneyextra.com
Funeral Ombudsman
26-28 Bedford Row, London, WC1R 4HE. Tel: 020 7430 1112.
Funeral Planning Council
Melville House, 70 Drymen Road, Bearsden, Glasgow, G61 2RP. Tel: 0141 942 5885.
Funeral Standards Council
30 North Road, Cardiff, CF1 3DY. Tel: 029 2038 2046.
Internet Memorials
http://catless.ncl.ac.uk/VMG
www.cemetery.org
www.international-star-registry.org
Lasting Post
Practical advice online
www.lastingpost.com
Lesbian and Gay Bereavement Project
Vaughan Williams Centre, Colindale Hospital, London, NW9 5HG. Tel: 020 8200 0511; Helpline (Monday to Thursday 1.30pm – 5pm): 020 8455 8894.
National Association of Bereavement Services
20 Norton Folgate, London, E1 6DB. Tel: 020 7247 0617; Helpline: 020 7247 1080.
National Association of Funeral Directors
618 Warwick Road, Solihull, West Midlands, B91 1AA. Tel: 0121 711 1343.
National Association of Memorial Masons
27a Albert Street, Rugby, Warwickshire, CV21 2SG. Tel: 01788 542264.
National Association of Widows
54-57 Allison Street, Digbeth, Birmingham, B5 5TH. Tel: 0121 643 8348.
Natural Death Centre
6 Blackstock Mews, Blackstock Road, London N4 2BT. Tel: 0871 288 2098; e-mail: ; website: www.naturaldeath.org.uk
NHS Organ Donor Register
UK Transport Support Service Authority, Foxden Road, Stoke Gifford, Bristol, BS34 8RR. Tel: 0117 975 7575; website: www.nhs.organdonor.net
Pensions Scheme Registry
OP Box 1NN, Newcastle upon Tyne, NE99 1NN. Tel: 0191 225 6394.
Registrar General for England and Wales
Smedley Hydro, Trafalgar Road, Birkdale, Southport, PR8 2HH. Tel: 0151 471 4200
Samaritans
10 The Grove, Slough, Berkshire, SL1 1QP. Tel: 01753 532713; Helpline: 08457 909090; e-mail: ; website: www.samaritans.org.uk
Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors
Crowndale House, 1 Ferdinand Place, London, NW1 8EE. Tel: 020 7267 6777; e-mail: ; website: www.saif.org.uk
War Pensions Agency
Norcross, Blackpool, FY5 3WP. Tel: 01253 – 858858.
The Woodland Trust
Ref. 1744, Freepost, Grantham, Lincs., NG31 6BR. Tel: 01476 590808.
